Becca, now that Valentine’s Day has come and gone and the aroma of the roses is a little tired and stale, how do I know that my current man is Mr. Right? He is such a mixed bag of my Wants in a man. He has a good job, not a great one, but says he wants to retire early and see the world. Brought up in foster homes, he is uncertain about wanting to have children although he loves to play with my sister’s baby. Although he exercises a lot, he eats for an army and his hair is still mostly thick, but thinning on his crown.
Should I commit to him heart and soul and hope that he won’t change, or date the handsome, tall, volleyball-playing guy in the office who makes my heart go pitter-patter when he throws me air kisses, comments on how sexy I look and invites me to a rooftop party? My office girlfriends say this luscious Lothario is more my type than Mr. Nice Guy but I wonder if they aren’t just taken in by his wry smile and broad chest that begs to be covered in hot kisses. I see him as a charming flirt who may have a hard time settling on where to eat for dinner, much less who will be dessert. Is a good man hard to find, like a parking place?
Dear Decision Time,
I have heard the saying, men are like parking places, they are either already taken or too far away. But, I believe the right one is out there for you. Real life is not like Sex in the City, the pieces of our lives falling into place and fitting together wonderfully despite our busload of blunders. As we all know, looks fade, yet attitudes, behaviors and beliefs don’t, so that our pick of a mate should be someone who we can grow old with and genuinely enjoy spending time together with.
So, when the final blush has faded and the rose petals dropped away, your mate-to-be may not be either Lothario or Mr. Nice Guy, they may only be love in training. Ask yourself whether you can accept the proverbial “good” with the “bad,” whether you feel deep down that you and your pick of the litter will treat each other with respect and honesty, allowing each other the room to grow. However DT, perhaps the greatest lesson to remember is that a loving relationship is NOT about what our partner is giving. We cannot receive what we have not already given, so be grateful, appreciative and loving about what your partner, or potential partner, brings to the table. Criticism, argument, blame, nagging and fault have no business being in the same county as a loving relationship as they will soon infect it and crush it to the ground. Bathe yourself in happiness and positive thoughts and happy people will flock to you, even Mr. Right.